Dear Melissa (Missy),
First, I would like to thank you for the good and bad decisions you have made over the years. Some of those mistakes haunt us today.
By this time you would probably have expected someone to make a time machine. They haven’t that I know about. So, I can’t go back in time to prevent you from making some of the major mistakes. However, those mistakes did shape you I am today.
These days life has gotten somewhat interesting. Your little brother has a son and a daughter. Even though they are your brother’s kids, your niece looks and acts just like you.
Since this letter can’t help the past me, I hope it will help my niece and other girls as they make their way in the world.
Lessons Learned over the Years
- TAKE A TIP FROM MARY KAY, “PUT GOD FIRST, FAMILY SECOND, AND CAREER LAST IN YOUR LIFE”. GOD SHOULD BE AT THE CENTER OF EVERYTHING YOU DO. REMAIN FAITHFUL TO HIM AND HE WILL SHOW YOU A BETTER LIFE THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE. IT TOOK US QUITE A LONG TIME TO REALIZE THIS.
- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. DON’T EMOTIONALLY EAT. EXERCISE. MEDITATE AND ZIN OUT. YOU LOOKED GOOD WHEN YOU GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL, BUT AFTERWARD, THINGS JUST WENT UPWARD.
- BE HAPPY. IN WHATEVER YOU DO OR WHEREVER YOU GO, BE HAPPY. IF SOMETHING DOESN’T MAKE YOU HAPPY THEN GET RID OF IT. THIS LESSON TOOK A LONG TIME FOR ME TO GRASP, SO THE NEXT GO AROUND THIS SHOULD BE PUT ON TOP OF THE LIST.
- LOVE YOURSELF. BEFORE YOU LOVE OTHERS, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF. SO, DON’T GO LOOKING FOR LOVE IN EVERY TOM, DICK, OR HARRY. BE YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF. ONE DAY A MAN WILL LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND ALL YOUR FLAWS. I HAVEN’T FOUND HIM YET, BUT I’M HOLDING ONTO HOPE HE WILL SHOW UP.
- TAKE CARE OF YOUR FINANCES. STUDENT LOANS AND CREDIT CARDS ARE THE DEVILS. DO YOUR BEST IN SCHOOL AND ON THE ACT/SAT TO QUALIFY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS. GRANTS ARE HARD TO GET, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR PARENTS WORK. BUDGET OUT THE MONEY AND DON’T GO CRAZY WITH IT. SAVE SAVE SAVE. PAY YOUR BILLS ON TIME AND DON’T USE RENT MONEY FOR LUXURIES.
- GO TO COLLEGE AFTER HIGH SCHOOL OR START A CAREER. IF YOU DECIDE TO GO TO COLLEGE, STAY IN THE DORMS. I DO NOT SUGGEST STAYING WITH YOUR FRIEND, HER HUSBAND, HER SISTER, AND HER MOM. NOT READY FOR COLLEGE, GET A CAREER. I STARTED OFF BY WORKING FOR A BANK. IT TOOK SEVERAL YEARS FOR ME TO DETERMINE I DIDN’T WANT TO BE A BANKER. HOWEVER, IF YOU DO GO INTO BANKING, STAY AT YOUR CHILDHOOD HOME AND SAVE!
- WAIT TO HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS. PLEASE WAIT UNTIL YOU GET MARRIED, IT WILL BE MUCH MORE MEMORABLE. I HAVE TO SAY, I DIDN’T GO THIS PATH AND I WISH I HAD. AS I SAID BEFORE YOU WON’T FIND YOURSELF IN OTHER PEOPLE. ALSO, IF YOU MEET THEM IN A BAR DON’T TAKE THEM HOME BECAUSE YOU WILL BE RETURNING THEM TO THE BAR.
- DON’T BE DOWN ON YOURSELF BECAUSE A BOY DOESN’T ASK YOU ON A DATE OR TO THE DANCE. I SUGGEST YOU ASK HIM (SCRATCH THAT, TOO BOLD FOR YOU). INSTEAD, BECOME REALLY INTERESTED IN HIM AS A PERSON. MANY YEARS AFTER GRADUATION, I ACTUALLY FOUND OUT SOME OF THE GUYS IN MY SCHOOL DID HAVE A CRUSH ON ME IN HIGH SCHOOL. THEY DIDN’T TAKE ACTION BECAUSE THEY FOUND ME INTIMIDATING. SO, GET TO KNOW THE GUY, TALK TO HIM, FIND OUT HIS INTEREST, AND FLIRT A BIT.
- DON’T MOVE IN WITH A GUY UNTIL MARRIAGE. I HEARD IT ALL, LIVE WITH THE FIRST SO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. WELL, I THINK IF YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU DO GET MARRIED THE BEGINNING WILL JUST BE ANOTHER DAY. HOWEVER, TO REALLY KNOW WHO THEY ARE AS A PERSON MY GOOD FRIEND JAIMEE DORRIS RECOMMENDS TAKING AN RV TRIP WITH THE PERSON.
- DON’T GET MARRIED ON A WHIM. I DID, I GOT MARRIED ON A WHIM. TRUELY I WAS SWEPT AWAY BY EVERY ROMANTIC THING THE COULD EVER BE DONE. THEN I DIDN’T EVEN TELL MY FAMILY UNTIL 6-MONTHS LATER. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE I KNOW, BUT HE WAS A GUY I MET IN COLLEGE. WHAT HAPPENED? WELL, FIVE YEARS LATER I WAS DIVORCED AND ABLE TO JOKE ABOUT IT BY SAYING, “I WAS MARRIED ONCE, BUT DIVORCED TWICE.” ALL BECAUSE HE CHANGED HIS FIRST AND LAST NAME ON ME AND I DIDN’T FIND OUT UNTIL I GOT THE DIVORCE PAPERS. GOOD THING I KEPT MY LAST NAME. TRULY, I HAVE MOVED ON AND FORGIVEN HIM IN MY HEART. FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU, NOT THEM.
- THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY. THERE WAS THIS GUY IN COLLEGE, WHO I THOUGHT ABOUT OFTEN OVER THE YEARS BUT LOSS CONNECTION WITH OVER TIME. THEN ONE DAY AFTER THE DIVORCE, I START GOOGLING HIS NAME (GOOGLE, IS A SEARCH ENGINE AND WHEN YOU SEARCH FOR SOMETHING YOU CALL IT GOOGLING). WOW! THERE HE IS HIDDEN A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH. OF COURSE, I REACH OUT AND BOOM WE ARE CONNECTED ONCE MORE. DESTINY IS WHAT I BELIEVED IT TO BE, AND EVERYTHING GOES GREAT. HE EVEN CAME TO STAY WITH WITH ME FOR A BIT. HOWEVER, BECAUSE OF JEALOUSY AND NOT LOVING YOURSELF, YOU SCARE THE MAN OFF WITH ALL YOUR CRAZINESS. REMEMBER TO BE HAPPY AND GO OVER ALL THE PREVIOUS NOTES.
- SAVE THE EGGS. WHEN YOU REACH 23 TO 24 YEARS OF AGE AND ARE NOT READY TO HAVE CHILDREN YET. SAVE YOUR EGGS, I KNOW IT IS PRICEY BUT THAT IS WHY YOU SAVED MONEY. WHAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW IS THAT WHEN YOU TURNED 25 YOU WOULD GO THROUGH THE CHANGE OF LIFE DUE TO AUTOIMMUNE PROBLEMS.
Now, since I can’t change the past and tell myself all these things, I can look forward to the future remembering my past. It is my hope that my niece and other young women learn from my mistakes and grow up smarter and wiser than me.
With Love,
Melissa